What's left of me
by alexrusso89
Summary: Sequel to welcome to my life Nepgear is dreaming about uni
Watch my life,

Pass me by,

In the rear view mirror

Pictures frozen in time

Are becoming clearer

I don't wanna waste another day

Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

 _I was jolted awake by my alarm clock clicking on. I sat up straight away. Every time I had dreams about uni, I was immediately wide awake the next morning, neptune was already awake, and I noticed her staring at me. I glared back at her."Take a picture, it'll last longer!" I snapped. "Or why don't you just keep staring, I might do a trick."Neptune_ _stopped watching me and muttered sarcastically "Well, excuse me_."

Cause I want you, and i feel you

Crawling underneath my skin

Like a hunger,

Like a burning,

To find a place I've never been

Now I'm broken,

And I'm faded,

I'm half the man I thought I would be:

But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside,

Little by little,

No where to go,

But going out of my mind

In endless circles,

Running from my self until,

You gave me a reason for standing still

 _Sometimes, I thought about asking Histoire about my dreams. Although I had never been that close to her, I'd admit that she would probably be the most helpful. Neptune was never the brightest crayon in the box, and Plutia would be going the same way if she wasn't careful. Vert_ _wasn't especially helpful in these situations, and Noire was, well, i don't know noire had closed herself and lastation off from the rest of us But Histoire was a brainbox, plus she was the oracle of planeptune so she was the most likely to know something. But this time, I didn't bother telling her._

It's falling faster,

Barely breathing,

Give me something,

To believe in

Tell me: It's not all in my head

Take what's left

Of me

Make me whole

Once again

 _I shrugged, trying to get the dream out of my head. It wouldn't leave, though. It didn't even leave even when i was busy , which was usually the best thing about my day. I found myself thinking and by the end of the day,_ _I just hoped that I wouldn't have another dream like that. It made me feel like I was going crazy, and we already had enough crazy people in the family._ _But before I went to bed that night, I found Neptune watching me again._ _I scowled back at her. "What's the wide eyes for this time?" I demanded, Neptune_ _didn't give up on that look like she had that morning. "Your dreaming about uni ?" she questioned._

 _"What?"_

 _"You've been keeping me up all night, and last night you were talking about uni_ _. You also said something about not telling you something."_

 _I didn't remember that bit, but It was best if i just gave her an answer so i said. "All I know is that uni is trying to tell me something ." I told her. "It was just some dream. No big deal."_

 _"Are you sure?" Now Neptune was looking concerned. "You've been dreamy all day, and you've been sleeptalking for the past few days. Last week you said that you felt out of place. And a few days ago you were complaining that your throat hurt."_

 _I glared at her. "Drop it." I said flatly._

 _"All right, all right, no need to get all tough about it." Neptune muttered._

 _"Shut up."_

 _That night_

I've been dying inside you see

I'm going out of my mind

Out of my mind

I'm just running in circles all the time

Will you take what's left

Will you take what's left

Will you take what's left of me?

Just running in circles in my mind

Will you take what's left

Will you take what's left

Will you take what's left of me?

 _ **"** what is uni trying to tell me does it has something to do with noire?, thats it tomorrow i don't care what she says I'm talking to noire " , i close my eyes and start to dream _

_" spirit evolution"_

 _, i open my eyes wide_

 _"Uni?"._

 _I was floating in this scene, in white nothingness. Nothing was said, but I still heard someone asking me "Do you wish reincarnation?"_

 _"No." A voice whispered. "But is there someone that could take a life like my own, but be able to handle it? I feel so guilty about what I did."_

 _"Hmmm...a soul full of light." A different voice whispered. "You will need the warrior of light " I gasped inwardly. Was uni trying to come back ?, To noire?, to me? I didn't believe it until I heard – or rather, knew – the voice speak again._

 _"Purple sister of planeptune cpu candidate are you really willing to let her go through all is pain when you can easily stop ot "_

 _I felt uni nod. "If she learns from my mistakes, it's worth it."_

 _Then-_

 _"Nep jr , wake up!"_

 _"Neptune! , it's still night, isn't it?" I groaned._

 _"It's almost seven thirty!" my sister protested. "And for once, you didn't actually wake me up with your talking."_

 _I sighed, and then thought of something. "Nep, your a goddess So you believe in reincarnation, right? What really happens?"_

 _Neptune shrugged. "I believe in reincartion, sure. But I also believe in karma, like if you're good, you come back as a human. If you don't do good things, you'd probably come back as a dung beetle."_

 _I held a hand up. "OK, OK. So if there was, say, a girl who did everything she was told and tried her best to please everyone, would that mean good karma?"_

 _Neptune simply shrugged again. "I guess."_

 _We went to lowee that weekend. After about ten minutes, i went off on our own. Both Rom and Ram went to some toy shop. I wandered around, looking for an art shop, and that's when I came across the opshop. I went in, and it immediately reminded me of the story Neptune_ _told one Halloween about an evil Krusty doll coming from a place called One Stop Evil Shop. I nearly expected the guy behind the counter to tell me that they sold weird items and Frogurt, Neptune really has to stop watching cartoons_

 _The shop was dark and crowded, but a few things caught my attention. I found a very cool necklace it had a red jewel on it and the one next to it had a blue jewel they were identical except for the jewels colour._

 _"So you're buying this." the man said as I took the two necklaces up to the counter. "They've been here for about a year now. No one wants them People say they belonged to two brothers "_

 _"Exactly why I want them" I grinned._

 _I smiled. Finally, I walked out, the necklace on and Slappy in the bag._

 _on the way home, everyone asked me what I'd bought._

 _"Well," I said, "They're necklaces ." I said, pulling the, out. "The shop owner said their really old, and all his former owners were two brothers huh?"_

 _"So cool oh oh i want the blue one ." Neptune said, " no sorry they're for rom and ram " , i smiled_

 _"Awwwww come on nep jr !" Neptune practically screamed. Yes, my lazy sister was getting upset , just because wasn't giving her a necklace . Sometimes I wondered if her brain was loaded into the wrong person, when she started acting that babyish._

 _"Neptune , leave your sister alone." Histoire ordered._

 _That night, my dream was related to Uni , which was a lot more unnerving than it sounds. I' was in a desert , and there he was a tall human like figure with grey armour and blue and white gauntlets and boots and his face the top half looked like a wolf , who was he? ._

 _"We look to the past as we head towards the future I heard uni sing._

 _"To reclaim the digital world ._

 _" with trust in ourselves strength in each other ._

 _" we live by the lessons we've learned_

 _" as we work towards one solution_

 _" through spirit evolution_

 _, spirit evolution? Thats what uni said to me before_

 _When I woke up the next morning, I found Neptune yelling at me again. "This time you were singing, Nep jr ! Sleep-singing!_

 _"Like I can help it!" I shot back._

 _At this point, Neptune stopped. Suddenly, her face softened. "Nep jr is there something strange happening in your dreams?" she asked softly. "You know, if you want to talk about it, I won't tell."_

 _I considered this. Neptune was a good listener, and I wouldn't have even thought about telling anyone else , apart from possibly Histoire No one would understand, and Rom and ram would just laugh at me._

 _I thought about it, and made my decision. "I'm fine." I told Neptune firmly. "It's just a recurring dream, and strange things happen in it."_

 _Although, I have to say, I was a little spooked out, when later that day, a song I had never heard came on in a shop I went into, and I was able to softly sing along, knowing all the lyrics._

"Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down,  
Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down like toy soldiers  
Bit by bit, torn apart  
We never win but the battle wages on for toy soldiers

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down,  
Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down like toy soldiers  
Bit by bit, torn apart  
We never win but the battle wages on for toy soldiers

"I'm suppose to be the soldier, who never blows his composure  
Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders  
I ain't never suppose to show it, my crew ain't suppose to know it  
Even if it means going toe to toe with the Benzino, it don't matter  
I never drag 'em in battles that I can handle less I absolutely have to  
I'm suppose to set an example, I need to be the leader  
My crew looks for me to guide 'em  
If some shit ever just pop off I'm suppose to be beside 'em  
That Ja shit, I tried to squashed it, it was too late to stop it  
There's a certain line, you just don't cross it, and he crossed it  
I heard him say Hailie's name on a song and I just lost it  
It was crazy, this shit went way beyond some Jay Z and Nas shit  
And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it  
I spent so much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted  
I'm so caught it I almost feel like I'm the one who caused it  
This ain't what I'm in Hip Hop for, it's not why I got in it  
That was never my object for someone to get killed  
Why would I want to destroy something I helped build  
It wasn't my intentions, my intentions were good  
I went through my whole career with out ever mentioning  
And that's just outta respect, for not running my mouth  
And talking about something that I knew nothing about  
Plus Dre told me stay out, just wasn't my beef, So I did  
I just fell back, watched and gritted my teeth while he's all over TV  
Now I'm talking a man who literally saved my life, like fuck it  
I understand, this is business and this shit just isn't none of my business  
But still knowing this shit could pop off at any minute cause

Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down, like toy soldiers  
Bit by bit, torn apart  
We never win but the battle wages on for toy soldiers

It used to be a time when you could just say a rhyme  
And wouldn't have to worry about one of your people dying  
But now it's elevated cause once you put someone's kids in it  
Shit gets escalated, it ain't just words no more, is it  
It's a different ball game, call names and you ain't just rapping  
We actually tried to stop the 50 and Ja beef from happening  
Me and Dre had sat with him, kicked it and had a chat with him  
And asked him not to start it, he wasn't gonna go after him  
Until Ja' start yappin' in magazines how he stabbed him  
Fuck 'em 50, smash him, mash him, and let him have it  
Meanwhile my intentions pulled me in other directions  
Some receptionist said the source who answers phones at his desk  
Has an erection for me and thinks  
That I'll be his resurrection  
Tries to blow the dust of his mic and make a new record  
But now he's fucked the game up cause one of the ways I came up  
Was through that publication, the same one that made me famous  
Now the owner of it got a grudge against me for nothing but fuck it  
That motherfucker can get it too, fuck 'em then  
But I'm so busy being pissed off, I don't stop to think  
That we just inherited 50's beef with Murder Inc  
And he's inherited mine, which is fine, ain't like either of us mind  
We still have soldiers that's on the front line that's willing to die for us  
As soon as we give the orders, never to extort us  
Strictly to show they support us  
Maybe shout 'em out in a rap or up in a chorus to show we love 'em back  
And to let 'em know how important it is to have Runyon Avenue soldiers up in our corners  
Their loyalty to us is worth more then any award is  
But I ain't trying to have none of my people hurt or murdered  
It ain't worth it, I can't think of a perfecter way to word it  
Then to just say that I love y'all too much to see the verdict  
I'll walk away from it all before I'll let it go any further  
But don't get it twisted, it's not a plea that I'm coping  
I'm just willing to be the bigger man  
If y'all can quit popping off at the jaws with the knocking  
'Cause frankly I'm sick of talking  
I'm not gonna let someone else's coffin rest on my conscience 'cause"


End file.
